Tzniut Meme
I’ve been tagged by A Mother in Israel with the meme about "Tzniut."
Here are her questions, and my answers
- For married women, do you dress by the same standards as you did when you got married?
- Not in the least bit…although we were Orthodox, I wore pants and didn’t cover my hair. The pants went away after a year studying at Pardes. (Pardes is responsible, but in a very non-coercive way). Note: If doing an activity that would be best done in pants, I will–although other than cleaning around the house, I haven’t.
- Also for married women, do you and your husband conflict about this issue?
- When I wasn’t covering my hair, I knew that he would prefer that I did, but he never pushed the issue–and now that I do but cut it short, sometimes I think he would rather it be long and uncovered
- Have your standards changed from when you were growing up, and why?
- I wasn’t part of the Orthodox community, so it really isn’t relevant.
- Do you often feel uncomfortable when you are in the company of a group keeping higher or lower standards than you?
- I think I’m finally comfortable with what and who I am. I don’t know if it is really the haircovering itself, or the fact that now people can’t make assumptions about me based on my head. I had some very bad situations before I covered my hair from people who said that why should I feel strongly about religious issue "X" if I don’t even cover my hair. That type of comment sent me in the other direction for a very long time.
- If you have ever suddenly changed your standard of dress, did people treat you differently or make approving/disapproving remarks?
- A few "kiruv queens" made comments about how nice my hair looks, and I had one person say "so, you are covering your hair now" (in a not-so-nice tone), but generally people have just left me alone.
- How accepting is your community of women who "deviate" from the generally accepted mode of dress?
- The range in my community is very broad, and I don’t see any criticism of people for it
- If you have a daughter, has tzniut become an issue yet?
- Since I started covering my hair, my 6 year old has started commenting that people who don’t cover their hair aren’t religious. I’ve had to run through the list of our religious friends who don’t cover their hair about a zillion times. She also seems to forget that it has been less than a year that I have been covering my hair.
Anyone that thinks that telling someone they are doing something halichicly wrong will "bring them around" I can say from experience it doesn’t work. If someone is going to change what they do, it needs to be on their own time frame.
Interestingly, in Modiin, a LOT of regular shul-going women I know stopped covering their hair. I personally think it’s weird to come into shul without something on your head (even a wide headband), but I don’t see them as more or less religious.
When someone says that (for example) they don’t have a problem eating in a non-kosher place as long as they only eat food that isn’t treif (e.g. pasta or vegetable soup out of the country), that makes me feel less comfy with their level of observance… I have tried to explain to people why they might really be eating treif once or twice, but haven’t really gotten useful results.
Comment by triLcat — April 29, 2007 @ 11:53 am
At the risk of sounding dumb, what exactly are “kiruv queens”? Are they women who do a lot of outreach and try to help other Jews become more religious?
Comment by RR — April 29, 2007 @ 1:44 pm
RR: The (generally older) women who would like to see me (and others) move forward with our religiosity. I don’t mean it negatively, but when certain people tell you your hair looks nice, you automatically think that there is an unspoken undertone.
Comment by Safranit — April 29, 2007 @ 2:13 pm
“kiruv queens” - I love it! LOL.
Great answers!
Comment by Sharon S — April 29, 2007 @ 7:04 pm
I didn’t realize that my comment made it through- sorry for sending it in 50 times, it looked like it wasn’t going through.
OK, I understand what a kiruv queen is now- as I wrote in my meme answers, my husband’s grandmother always used to tell me how nice I looked wearing a hat. I knew this was because she really wanted me to wear one all the time. I felt bad that I couldn’t accomodate her, she’s such a sweet woman.
Comment by RR — May 2, 2007 @ 10:50 am