My Home in Israel

Okay parents…I need your help. I’m a few weeks (bezrat haShem) from giving birth, and my eldest daughter (age 6 1/2) is causing me some great distress….I’d appreciate any advice.

Firstly, she is a very smart girl. She is doing well in first grade, and seems to be enjoying herself. I sit down with her nearly everyday to do her homework, and I try to read to her as often as possible. When we don’t get to read, it is usually because I’ve given her (and her little sister) some extra time playing outside at the park.

The problem is that she is very self-centered/egocentric. The list of ways which this reveals itself is extensive, but here are three examples…involving me, her sister and a neighbor.

• When we were in the US, we were going to go boating. As I walked down to the water I fell and sprained my ankle. Her only response was “come on eema, we need to get in the boat.”
• She didn’t like sleeping alone (suddenly) on the top bunk, so she asked her sister if she could share the bottom bunk, little sister agreed (they have been sleeping together off and on now for a few weeks). When she was sleeping on the extra pull out bed last night, little sister asked if she could join her and she said no. When I reminded her that little sister had let her share a bed, she acted like that was irrelevant.

and the worst example by far…

• We don’t own a car, and we are very lucky that our neighbor takes her son to the same school and our big girl. She has offered to take her most mornings, which makes our schedule much easier. Twice a week we take their son home (by taxi). Last week my daughter said (in front of the boy). “Do we have to take him, I don’t like boys…I don’t want him in the taxi. ” I told her that we are doing a favor, just like they are, and that she should be polite and not behave that way. She just got more belligerent and continued to bad mouth him. It is an embarrassment to me and truthfully, he is a very good kid–maybe a bit more pampered than my girls, but a good kid. His mother said to me a few days later that her son has been really upset my by daughter’s behavior and he didn’t want her to come with them. If she looses her ride, we are going to be in a very tough situation trying to get her to work and still get to both of our jobs on time.

So, the bottom line is that she is very focused on herself, and refuses (even when repeatedly asked) to look at the situation from the other’s point of view. How do you teach a child like this?